Saying Goodbye

In a transient town such as Siem Reap, saying 'goodbye' is an event that occurs heart-breakingly (and in time, brain-numbingly) often.

I have been around for all sorts of goodbyes so naturally I have also been present for a lot of hellos. And the contrast between the start and finish of a relationship is...amazing. It is from this observation that inspired me to write:

A cool dismissal, an abrupt departure

A lengthy embrace, and yearning there after

A relationship reflected in that final goodbye

A smile of fond memories or regretful sigh

Possibilities explored with new wisdoms collected

Possibilities not opened if otherwise rejected

Indifference at worst, kindred spirits at best

A journey for one with many to connect

A clash of chemistry or conversational flow

A path that is embarked with a simple ‘hello’

And since having said 'Goodbye' to my beloved friends of Siem Reap, I feel blessed to have that many important people in my life to make me cry and miss dearly. 

My Farewell at Jungle Junction

My last hoorah with the students

But in the end it's not just 'bye'. It is just 'good'.

Ta Da!

It’s close to a year now since my last entry.

Assuming that people have been looking for me: Sorry, guys!

For those who haven’t: You weren’t missing anything. Obviously.

So today when I looked at my blog for the first time in ages, my eyeballs dried up with its staleness. Oh, how I’ve neglected thee. Me thinks thine due to revamp and revitalize.

Ta da! A new look! AND a new name! Staying true to the idea that ‘Today Is A Gift’, I’ve renamed my blog ‘Present- from me to you’.

I love the word ‘present’. It’s such a beautiful heteronym.

pres-ent [prez-uhnt]

noun

1. a gift to another

verb

2. to display something or introduce somebody

adjective (my favourite)

3. being, existing, or occurring at this time; now

Present is a self-indulgent thought catalog that will explore meaning behind seemingly flippant instances, conversations, comments or observations. Moments in time that are snapped, captured and pondered.

It is also a medium for me to display my words woven into poetry (which a lot of the time happens by accident). They are intimate feelings rather than gruesome details- I want you to interact with the words and fill in the gaps and assimilate. I’d rather you as the reader, to not be a mere observer of my thoughts, but a participant. Hopefully it will provide something to help precipitate your own understanding and search. 

And all that in turn will be a gift from me to you.

I'm also a grateful taker so please... share share share your thoughts and comments too!

Going With The Flow

A lot of people 'go with the flow'. I do. I love it. Makes things easier and you can see how things naturally unfold. But, I reckon, it can become problematic when it gets taken too literally.

A flow, or a current, can be a dangerous thing! You can be taken for a ride and get bumped around onto rocks... along the banks... into on-coming debris...and not take notice of the oncoming waterfall...

BUT if you have a handy-dandy paddle, you can navigate your way around within in the current and be the captain of your own little boat!

Back to Oz

It's so strange to be back! After 12 months of back-breaking, mind-boggling, mental-hurdling work; 15 months of ab-tightening, face-breaking laughs; endless days of rivers, lakes and oceans of sweat and countless low-pressured showers...I'm home!

Last time I returned from Cambodia, I was a victim of reverse culture shock and was angry at everything. How dare we Australians live with such affluence over the safety net of our dole-bludging-condoning democratic government? How can you brag about the A-Grade leather of your couch when there are families selling their children for a meal?!

I didn't host any form of tolerance during my six month period of ambivalence in Melbourne. I was a bitter bitch bitchin' bout bloody everything..but this time is different...those things definitely still exist, but now I'm looking at things from another angle: How lucky we are as Australians to be able to have such lovely things at our fingertips with the support of a caring government who treats all of us as humans with rights. Good on you for being able to afford such a lovely leather couch...did the cows have to scream louder for that price?

Things are the way they are. The two worlds that I have each of my feet in can't be compared and be angry over. That energy should be channelled into the Developing side of my self/work to aspire to the Developed side of my self/work.

7 more weeks till my return, so to psych myself up and recharge, I'm going to enjoy what's readily available here in my 1st world that is unavailable in my 3rd world home: Indie gigs, Melbourne breakfasts, perfectly brewed lattes, Korean hairdressers, traffic rules and drinkable tap-water. ESPECIALLY the tap-water. I feel my teeth strengthening already.

P.A.S.S.I.O.N

I’m passionate.

I’m also many other things (like ‘tired’), but right now, ‘passionate’ can be used interchangeably with ‘Deb’. I believe having PASSION is a gift, a risk, a luxury and most importantly, a DUTY.

Firstly, it’s a GIFT because everyone is born and raised differently with different personae and frames of mind. We can be regimental, blasé, structured or go-with-the-flow about life and that’s perfectly fine. But it takes someone with edge to have the GUTS to have and pursue PASSION and that’s where RISK fits in.

We need to take a RISK when it comes to pursuing something we care so much about. PASSION is from the core of your being so if it ends up crashing and burning at the feet of our expectations…that’s going to hurt a bloody lot more than not taking the risk at all. Or will it?

Following your passion is a LUXURY because reality can be a wet-blanket for many people out there; money problems, family problems, health problems, lack of opportunities, lack of education… so to be free of those binding shackles already gives you grant for pursuit. You just need to give yourself permission.

And lastly it’s a DUTY. Years ago I came across a line in ‘The Dream Giver’ (yes, it’s a Christian book): ‘Your big dream is someone’s big need. If you don’t follow your big dream…someone’s need won’t be filled…’ Or something like that. And that’s when I had my epiphany.

My passion is education. My passion is life. My passion is to lift people out of mental hell-holes and provide intellectual tools for them to rebuild their livelihoods and recognize HOPE.

I’ve got a lot more to learn and a lot more to give. And as long as I feel this fire inside of me (that isn’t the impending angina) I’m spear-heading my ambitions until I’m damn-well satisfied!

The Swedish say, 'Congratulations! You've reached 25!'

I have reached the quarter milestone of my life. Assuming I’m going to live to be 100. Happy Birthday, Deb! Hellloooo age 25! The age everyone wishes to stay at: you’re still considered young but old enough to be ‘responsible’, you can be ‘irresponsible’ and still get away with it, but most importantly, according to general consensus, you can be single and still have a ‘chance’. *eye roll*/*shrug*

For me, it’s a great age because I feel that 25 is the tipping point of life, where you’re balancing at the fulcrum, with one foot on either side, weighing up gathered experience with where it’s going to lead you. It’s when you realize (or should realize) where you’re headed in life and have a somewhat blurred vision of where you want to end up. I keep talking in the second person like I can speak on behalf of anyone. I’m really talking about myself. So ‘ctrl F and H’, find ‘you’ and replace with ‘I’ or ‘me’.

So I’m teetering on this see-saw analogy, shifting my weight from right to left, left to right, and I’m feeling pretty happy with how I’ve lived so far. I’m living with drive and direction. Everything I did had a purpose behind it- to learn and move forward. I don’t exactly know where I’m going yet, but I see a haze in the distance and it somewhat resembles a house, a husband, a family and a meaningful, sustainable livelihood. In other words: a future nearly everyone wants!!! I’m not so eccentric after all!

At this point the path is still unfolding before me and uncertainty is still, and probably always will be, part of the adventure. I have enough confidence in my abilities and curious enough about the world to take deliberate steps into a realm of possibilities. 10 years ago, I thought at 25 I’d be ‘settled’ in the mainstream sense of the word. But I’m so glad that I’m not because it means I’ve got so much more to look forward to! I’m setting up the stones of my path, laboriously and joyously laying it down, bit by bit. And I have faith that momentum will pick up (in the form of Universal conspiracy) and it’ll eventually pave out smoothly, into a wide stretch of road welcoming those wanting (or fated) to join me.

Eeny Meeny, Miny, Mo

Decisions. We’ve all got to make them. Big, small, trivial and significant. Some people are good at them, some are bad at them. I’m starting to believe that I’ve become quite good at them. I can tell by the way I smile broadly every morning that I’m in a good position in my life and I’ve made the right independent choices to get to this point.

Of course, I didn’t start out like this. I was brought up to obey the decisions made for me. Yes, they were for my benefit and obviously at the time I was not yet of age or maturity to make the major decisions for myself. And despite it all leading to a good life-style anyway…it was completely unsatisfying because it wasn’t MY decision to live that way. I couldn’t take credit. I couldn’t have pride. I had no ownership. For me to find happiness, I had to take the reigns and make the choice for myself. I wanted to take a risk so that I could claim responsibility no matter how it turned out: good or bad. I'd either have myself to blame or claim the success for myself!

And then there’s the fear of making decisions. Or more accurately, the fear of making the wrong decision. It’s this potentially disabling fear that can stop a person in their tracks, take the low-risk path and disappear amongst the crowd of mediocrity. It is this barrier of decision making that filters the average from the awesome. Well, I think anyway.

I was given an awesome piece of off-handed advice from a dear cousin of mine, Henri.

‘Deb, there’s no such thing as the ‘wrong’ decision- just decisions that don’t work out. You can just go back, take on the new wisdom and try again.’

That simple sentence took away some of the fear for me, propelling me forth into a much more rewarding life.

Calculating risks. Courage to leap. Taking a chance. Zest to live.

When it comes to crunch, I always end up asking myself, ‘what would make the better story?’

What decision would make YOUR story better?