Date a girl who doesn’t travel. A girl who doesn’t travel is easy to
track, easy to predict. She’ll always be there. She’ll be on your couch at home,
or hanging with her friends waiting for your call. You’ll know where to find
her. When you do, you will talk about your day and she’ll talk about the latest
episode of Jersey Shore. With you, she’ll be secure from the dangers of the
world. She’ll be happy with her virtual one. She will be safe. She’ll enjoy a
night-in with a movie or a PS3 game. She won’t expect, or even want, extravagant,
expensive, creative days and nights out. You can pick her up a bottle of nail
polish and be in for a good night.
A girl who doesn’t travel is very well-groomed. She can take the
time in front of the mirror and have tidier eyebrows, even complexion and
smooth, smooth skin. She won’t have the wiry mane of a girl who travels who
pulls faces for photos in front of yet another landmark. Her hair will be
glossy and maintained. She will have the perfect picturesque pout.
It’s fun conversing with a girl who doesn’t travel. She’ll believe
everything you say and then giggle politely when you tell her you’re joking. And
then laugh louder when she gets it. She will let you take the social center
stage. She will watch you from the sidelines with admiration. She won’t
challenge you with the wit of a girl who travels. She won’t one-up you with stories
from the foothills of the Himalayas. She will like everything you like and go
everywhere you go. You will be the light of her life. She will turn to you for
every lip tremble, every tear. She will wrap her dainty arms around your neck
and embrace you with a need so powerful you know that she can’t live without
you.
Don’t invest your time and love in a girl who travels for she CAN
live without you. She knows how to take things in her fearless stride. She
would be fun for now, not forever. She’ll never be around. She will come and go
and laugh melodically at your pleas to stay. Don’t get caught up in her
spiritual depth and hippy ways. She’ll just plant grand seeds of thought and
question everything you ever believed in. Her passionate rants about the beauty
of the world will send tremors and quakes through your foundations and belittle
your existence.
A girl who travels will drive you crazy with her sporadic emails and
unreliable contact. She will send you mad with video calls where you can see
her but can’t fucking touch her. She will make you cry with longing. You will realize
that distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder – it fucking rips the heart apart
and smirks at the shreds of despair. Date a girl who doesn’t travel because she
won’t do that. She will take the tender steps to keep your heart intact. She will
fold it up in cheesecloth and hum to its soft rhythmic beat. She will keep you
in your realm of familiar and sit demurely in the passenger seat as you drive on that 6-lane
freeway to the white-picket fence.
Let the girl who travels go off into that other dimension. Forget
all the romantic stories she tells of pristine white beaches, gushing jungle
waterfalls, and tropical wildlife encounters. Dismiss her tales of the whack-jobs
she met along the way and the adventures on which they embarked. Let her endanger
herself with military run-ins, frightening South East Asian traffic and
storm-whipped boat rides. Let her try quench her insatiable cultural thirst in
countries with makeshift beds, dank toilets and parasite-ridden water. You
don’t need it. You don’t want it. Not one part of it.
Find yourself a nice girl who doesn’t travel. You just can’t know where on earth a girl who travels has been.
